I’m downsizing my life, temporarily. It’s the most logical solution to the overwhelming stress that has crippled me of late and I personally think I should be commended for thinking logically as opposed to emotionally, like I usually do.
I have applied for an extension with regards to my studies and am assured that, under the circumstances, the request should be granted without any problems. I’m also downsizing my home, choosing a much smaller apartment that is easier to heat, easier to decorate and has much cheaper outgoings. I’m actually excited about the move now and even if it is a little forced, I am finding the silver lining in my recent eviction. I am also downsizing my friends and social circle. The old adage says you find out who your friends are when times are tough and this is certainly true. Not one of the people who have partied at my home, crashed out here for a weekend, lived here during their own tough times or come running here when in need of a shoulder to cry on has offered to help me with the horrendous task of moving house. Not one of them has offered to pick up a paintbrush, carry a box or even offered some words of encouragement. It would appear that my true friends can be counted exactly on one hand, no more, no less. It is a downsizing I am comfortable with. I’ll take quality over quantity every time.
The beginning of 2016 is proving to be a bit of a bitch, not just for me and my son but for Blue and Jemima as well. It seems incredibly unfair that we should be lumbered with such a phenomenal amount of shit so early in the year, but in the spirit of finding the silver lining, I keep reassuring us all that come March, things should start to look better. It has to. The world cannot cope with all three of us women falling apart at the same time!
In other news, the men who choose to pop in and out of my life whenever they feel like it are still proving themselves to be a bunch of idiots. The Mountie still attempts to cook for me or take me out, yet revokes any invitations once I remind him that I have no desire to sleep with him. Handsome and I have engaged in some flirtatious and innuendo filled messaging recently but I have my reservations when it comes to converting the fantasy talk into a real life situation. I haven’t heard any more from The One That Got Away, but I didn’t expect to.Just knowing he’s still around is enough for now. And then there is Mr. Surprise. Yes, he’s back.
Having deleted me from Facebook a few weeks ago I was sure Mr. Surprise was going to be nothing more than a rather embarrassing memory. He hadn’t contacted me since I told him I was dating Tex and had absolutely no interest in seeing him again. I was brutal, but he hadn’t taken the hint before that point so it needed to be done. When my phone beeped and alerted me to a text message later the other evening, I was not expecting it to be Mr. Surprise,
‘How are you? And your son? You married yet?! ;) xxx’
I was polite and civil but kept my response short and bland. I didn’t want to encourage this conversation at all, but I am still bound by a misplaced obligation to be nice to him on the grounds that we spent our childhoods together. I told him I was in the process of moving house , that my son and I were fine and that Tex and I hadn’t worked out.
‘I find packing boxes sexy,‘ came his reply. It stank of desperation.
‘I don’t. I don’t find anything sexy with the amount of valium I am currently taking’.
Somehow, in the deep recesses of Mr. Surprise’s mind, my response was an invitation to come over. I shot him down abruptly but he persisted. I turned him down three times. The first was met with,
‘Has this bloke turned you into a lesbian now?’
The second was met with,
‘So valium makes you frigid?’
The third was met with,
‘I’m worried about you. Can I come over?’
In the end I was so insulted by his refusal to accept the word ‘no’ that I told him I did not consider him a friend and regretted everything that had happened between us. He said he ‘understood’ and that was the end of the conversation…until the following night when he started again. Now, I’m just ignoring him.
So, men are taking a backseat for a while and everything else in my life, thanks to my decision to downsize, is slowly but surely falling into place. Its not perfect, but I’m hoping that life is just issuing me with the shit bits now so that I can get them all out of the way and look forward to a happier, more prosperous 2016.